There are many discussions going on among single Christian girls today about how to deal with their singleness—especially if they’ve “kissed dating goodbye.” In this discussion of what to do during singleness there are usually two paths supported. The first is where the single girl waits at home, filling her hopechest and dreaming of Prince Charming walking in one day and rescuing her from her empty tower of dreams so her life can begin in earnest. The second is where the girl, upon seeing no Prince Charming on the horizon, decides to pursue “real life” by going to college and starting a career. I believe that neither of these are biblically founded, and in this essay, I shall take two classic characters from literature and compare and contrast their different reactions to their seasons of singleness. Then I hope to draw from Scripture, and using the two characters as illustrations, create a picture of how a Christian young woman should use her single years to glorify God.
The first character comes from Alfred Lord Tennyson’s poem The Idylls of the King, a collection of poems about King Arthur’s life and court. Elaine is a central character in the Idyll Lancelot and Elaine. We meet her in the first lines as
“Elaine the fair, Elaine the loveable
Elaine the lily maid of Astolat
High in her chamber up a tower to the east.”
Tennyson informs us that, as the result of certain events, Elaine had seen Sir Lancelot, and fallen in love with him. In the story, he gives her his shield to keep temporarily (he wanted to joust as an unknown knight). She takes it to her chamber and gazes on it for hours on end.“[S]o she lived in fantasy,”daydreaming about the man she thinks she loves.
In truth, Lancelot isn’t truly the image she’s fantasizing over. She, not even knowing his true name, thinks him pure, thoughtful, and in love with her. However, that’s just an image she created. He is in the thick of an adulterous relationship with Queen Guinevere, unable to resolve himself to do right and end the relationship. He barely noticed Elaine except as a sweet little girl.
During the time of this Idyll, Elaine spends her days dreaming about Lancelot instead of keeping busy with spinning, weaving, or tending the household (she is the only female in her father’s house) like Tennyson’s other female characters do. She creates a cover for his shield, and each morning as the sun rises she uncovers it and ponders how each scratch and nick on it came to be and in what battles.
She is the first girl I mentioned, idly sitting on her hands—waiting and dreaming. Her thoughts and activities are consumed with the ideal of Prince Charming, creating unrealistic ideals and romantic fantasies.
Elaine, upon finding that Lancelot does not love her, calls for “death or him” and eventually dies of a broken heart. Yet, Lancelot never did anything to break her heart—she created an image of him, loved the image, and was crestfallen to find that he wasn’t what she had thought he was. This is ultimately the fate of a young woman who sets her heart on the perfect love story with Mr. Perfect. She will waste her time, hurt her own feelings, and damage her relationship with the Lord.
The Lord is a jealous God, and won’t compete with a fantasy. “For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.” (Deuteronomy 4:24) He wants to be foremost in the hearts of His children. The girl who follows the path of wasting time with idle dreaming will find that she has a weak relationship with the Lord and unrealistic expectations of her husband. This will ultimately lead to heartache and sorrow, and does not give glory to God.
The second character from literature is Evangeline. In Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s poem Evangeline, she is a maid of French Acadia, and
“Fair was she to behold, that maiden of seventeen summers.”
Like Elaine, she is the only daughter of a wealthy man, and the mistress of the house. The tale tells of her betrothal to a young man of the village, and of their separation during the horrific deportation and scattering of the Acadians by the British.
Evangeline, fatherless and alone, spends the next few years seeking her beloved on her own in various parts of America, following a trail of rumors. She searches in the South, in the wilds of the West, in the cities on the East coast, but all in vain.
Now, my example is imperfect, but if you substitute college and career for her fiancée, it is an excellent picture of the second girl of whom I spoke. She puts forth great amounts of time and energy to pursue something to fill her days, rushing here and there, still half-hoping that she’ll meet Mr. Right.
In the poem, Evangeline leaves several opportunities to serve and bless others, to instead follow a her fiancée’s trail.
“Swiftly they followed the flight of him who was speeding before them…not that day, nor the next, nor yet the day that succeeded found they the trace of his course.”
Like Evangeline, the girl who pursues this route will often miss good things by her unwillingness to be still and seek the Lord’s presence and will. Like the first girl, she is substituting a deep relationship with the Lord with something else. In her case, it is the appearance of purpose and busyness that tries to fill His place in her heart.
The Lord desires a heart wholly His. If the girl I spoke of girl got married, she would be surprised to find herself unprepared, discontent, and struggling to hear His voice and see His will in her life. Her heart would not have belonged to the Lord during her single years, and it wouldn’t suddenly right itself overnight. She would have failed to seek the Lord’s glory first in her life, and would struggle to change later. “And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:34)
In both examples, the Elaine and Evangeline pursued things—dreams or apparent purpose—instead of more important matters. For the Christian girl, the most important thing is her relationship with the Lord. She should seek to use her singleness to His glory, embracing it as a gift. In the book of Matthew, the parable of the talents tells of a man who gives his servants some money, and expects that they will invest it wisely for him. When he takes a reckoning of their results, he finds that one servant has not invested it, but rather has buried the money in the ground.
If we are to glorify God, we are called to invest our gifts and use them to His glory! Singleness is a gift, and a young woman seeking His will should use it to serve others and glorify Him. She can use the year(s) given to her to seek the things of the Lord first (1 Corinthians 7:34), doing things she might not be able to do once married.
This could take on many different shapes and forms—it could mean serving a young mother, or teaching homeschoolers in her area. She could help with the family business, or get a nursing or teaching degree and serve on the mission field as part of a team. However she does it, it is purposeful, with the Lord’s will and her relationship with Him as first in her life, and everything else flowing out of that.
Evangeline eventually learned this. She joined a convent, and grew old there, nursing the sick and serving the poor. The Lord used her to minister to many people, and eventually she was rewarded as she recognized a her beloved’s face in the sick ward where she worked. Longfellow ends the tale thus:
“All was ended now, the hope and the fear, and the sorrow, all the aching of the heart, the restless, unsatisfied longing. All the dull, deep pain, and constant anguish of patience! And, as she pressed once more the lifeless head to her bosom, meekly she bowed her own, and murmured, “Father, I thank thee!”
In the end, all the fears, sorrows, and aches of a single woman’s heart will be laid to rest when she contents herself in the Lord first. “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” (Psalms 16:11)
